Know Me
by nayru-kleinefee
Summary: [KakaIru] There are things that can be left to be seen ‘underneath the underneath’. And others that just can’t.


Title: Know Me   
Fandom: Naruto   
Pairing: KakashixIruka   
Rating: **M**   
Spoilers: None   
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't make money.   
**Warnings:** This story contains **shonen ai (love between men) and yaoi (physical love between men)**. If you don't like these subjects, please don't read any further and refrain from flaming me because of it.

* * *

**Know Me**   
by nayru-kleinefee

"Is it okay, Iruka?", Kakashi whispered into his Chuunin's ear. "Can I… come in now?"

"Y-yes." Iruka nodded shakily. "You can."

"Alright." Kakashi nodded, then lifted his body up on both his forearms and positioned himself. He felt Iruka spread his legs even wider and started to push carefully, his eyes glued to the Chuunin's face beneath him. Iruka took deep, shaking breaths, his eyes closed and his lower lip captured between his teeth. The sight alone made Kakashi let out a low moan, then his breath hitched and his eyes screwed shut when he felt himself move in a little bit.

"Iru… ka?", he panted. "Is it… alright for you?" Oh god, it felt good, so good. Tight and hot and clenching around him, and he couldn't wait to-

"Mh! I… f… fine… g-go… on…", the Chuunin audibly forced out.

"Are you… alright this time?", Kakashi murmured and opened his eyes but other than that stayed completely still. He saw that Iruka had hidden his face behind his crossed forearms and frowned. "Iruka?"

"It's… al… alr- nrgh… al… right…", Iruka panted. "You c-can… can go… deeper…"

"Iruka", Kakashi whispered and tried futilely to take a look at his Chuunin's face. "Iruka, does it hurt again?"

"M-mh." Iruka shook his head behind his arms, the movement sharp and irregular.

"Iruka, let me see your face", the Copy-nin demanded.

"C-can… can go on… Kaka-"

"Iruka." Kakashi shifted carefully until he could support his body with only his left forearm, then used his right hand to remove Iruka's arms from his face. "Iruka, it hurts again, doesn't it?", he asked gently.

"N-no." Iruka shook his head again, but when Kakashi succeeded to pry the arms away, he could see a pained expression on the Chuunin's face and tears in his eyes.

"Iruka", Kakashi whispered and kissed the tears away tenderly. "I told you not to lie about this." He slowly, gently lifted his hips and pulled himself out carefully.

"Ah!" Iruka took in a sharp breath, but the pained look on his face vanished. "You… you don't have… to stop", he whispered, breathing harshly. "You can-"

"You're in pain." The Jounin smiled and lay down on him gently. "I told you that we would stop the moment it hurts you."

"But… but it will get better. I just have to get used to it and-"

"No." Kakashi kissed his Chuunin softly. "You're still not relaxed enough if it hurts this much. And in that case it won't get better, only even worse, like last time."

"But I tried…" New tears were filling Iruka's eyes. "I really t-tried, Kakashi…"

"I know." Kakashi kissed him again. "I know, Iruka. Don't cry, it's not your fault. And it's not worth crying about."

"But…" Iruka closed his eyes and swallowed. "But it didn't hurt so much this time. I… I think if you try once again, then-"

"Iruka, I saw that it hurt just as much as the other times we tried. Don't try to lie to me, please."

"But if you just tried, then-"

"Iruka", Kakashi said sternly. "I told you that I won't do it if it hurts you. Never."

"I'm so sorry." Iruka looked at him sadly, almost broken, then turned his head away.

"Don't be sorry." Kakashi kissed his tearstained cheek. "We don't have to do it, I already told you that. We can do other things."

"But… but we always only do other things…"

"And don't you like it?" The Copy-nin smiled, knowing that that wasn't the case at all. "Well, I like 'other things' very much. But if it's not enough for you anymore, you could always take me… We can try that and-"

"No!" Iruka snapped his head around again, his eyes wide in shock. "We can't! You're so much better at hiding your emotions, and I couldn't see how much it hurts you and-" He gasped and broke off.

"Does it hurt so much, Iruka?", Kakashi asked softly, worriedly. He had known that his Chuunin had been in pain every time they had tried, no matter how thoroughly and gently the preparation had been, but he hadn't been aware that the pain was so bad that it all but frightened Iruka to try it himself.

"I'm so sorry, Kakashi." Iruka moved to turn his head away again.

"No, don't be." Kakashi captured his lips gently. "And I'm sorry for hurting you."

"No, Kakashi, I-"

"Yes, Iruka." The Jounin smiled reassuringly. "I'm sorry." The smile became a leer. "And I will make it up to you now." He shifted and slowly moved his mouth down his Chuunin's body, once again enjoying and admiring soft skin and hard muscles beneath. God, he was lucky that he was allowed to claim, to possess this beautiful man as his alone.

"Kakashi, you don't have to", Iruka whispered.

"Oh, but I want to." Kakashi grinned, then took Iruka in his mouth and relished in the noises he elicited from his Chuunin. Soft, pleading whispers and little whimpers made his heart beat even faster than before, and breathy moans and low gasps almost broke his control while he pleasured Iruka and stroked himself until both of them reached completion.

"Kakashi…", Iruka whispered softly when the Copy-nin moved up again until they lay next to each other. "Kakashi…"

"Iruka…", Kakashi whispered back and reached out for the black cloth on the nightstand to cover his Sharingan eye, but not before he hadn't taken another long look at the Chuunin next to him. Like this, with his hair unbound and free and his face relaxed and peaceful, Iruka was the most beautiful sight the Copy-nin had ever witnessed. And while the sight alone was breathtaking, Kakashi didn't even know how to put his feelings for his Chuunin into words. A simple string of letters could never express sufficiently what he felt every time Iruka was with him. But he knew that Iruka knew about all of this, that he could read it from underneath his behaviour easily.

"I'm sorry", he heard the Chuunin whisper. "I at least shouldn't have let you do it yourself."

"Do what myself?", Kakashi asked and grinned. Oh, how much he enjoyed teasing this man.

"You know…" Iruka blushed. "I mean I should have… used my mouth for you…"

"Oh, but Iruka…" Kakashi grinned lecherously. "If your beautiful mouth had been occupied, I wouldn't have been able to hear you make those wonderful noises."

"Kakashi!", Iruka gasped and blushed fiercely.

"It's true", the Copy-nin answered simply. "And hearing you make those noises is almost as good as having your pretty lips all around me, so don't worry about me."

"Kakashi…", Iruka murmured and hid his deep red face on the Jounin's chest. "You're doing that on purpose…"

"Always." Kakashi grinned and gently lifted his Chuunin's face up to kiss him softly. He would be a fool to even let just one single opportunity to see Iruka blush slip.

"Pervert", the Chuunin whispered, but his voice was soft and gentle.

"But sure." Kakashi nodded and grinned even wider. "And you just made me a very happy, very satisfied pervert with all these wonderful 'other things'."

"I'm sorry", Iruka whispered and tensed in his arms. "I'm sorry that I disappointed you again and-"

"Don't be, Iruka." Kakashi kissed his nose tenderly. "And you can't disappoint me because I already have everything I want."

And he would never let go again.

-----

"Hey, Kakashi!"

Kakashi turned around to see his Chuunin walk over to him through the mission room. "Hello, Iruka. Don't you have to work now?" He really hoped not, for he certainly would like to spend time with the Chuunin. Maybe the two of them could have lunch together or take a little walk in the spring sun. Or go to one of their apartments and do 'other things'…

"I have." Iruka pouted and therefore almost got pounced on by one Copy-nin. "But it's quite low today, so I thought I could come over and talk with you a little." He blushed.

"I'd really like to do that." Kakashi smiled behind his mask. He loved the way his Chuunin's voice got softer and even more gentle than usual whenever he talked to him.

Iruka smiled at him. "Do you have a mission today? Or would you like to come over tonight?"

"Coming over sounds perfect." Kakashi grinned happily. "Will you cook for me?"

"If you want." Iruka smiled back.

"And…" Kakashi stepped closer to the Chuunin and leaned forward until his masked mouth almost touched an enticing ear he would _so_ like to lick at that moment. "And will you do 'other things' with me, too?", he whispered instead, grinning.

"I…" A deep blush could be seen creeping over Iruka's neck and face. "I… I'd like that…"

"Perfect", the Copy-nin purred and enjoyed the even deeper blush this caused. God, how much he loved it to see Iruka blush and even more to _make_ him blush.

"And…" Iruka swallowed. "And… and we can… try again…"

"We don't have to", Kakashi told him softly, sensing the other's nervousness. He had decided that as long as Iruka wasn't fine with this kind of intimacy, he wouldn't press him. Seeing his Chuunin hurt and that because of him, was the worst thing Kakashi could imagine.

"But… but we can… I mean, we can try and-"

"Hatake!"

Kakashi flinched at the loud and unpleasant-because-not-Iruka's voice. "Yo, Anko", he murmured casually, mentally cursing her for interrupting. He was spending precious time with his precious Chuunin, so why the hell did that woman have to come and want to talk to him?! He couldn't think of a single thing that she would have to do with-

"I want you to lay me", Anko declared.

"I beg your pardon?", Kakashi asked, his visible eyebrow raised, while he heard Iruka sputter and cough behind him.

"I need to get laid. Badly", the kunoichi told him like talking about the weather. "And I want you to lay me."

"…Why?", the Copy-nin asked, frowning deeply. Anko was known to not be very subtle, but this was quite direct even for her standards.

"You're hot." Anko shrugged. "Do I really need a reason why it shall be you? Just come on and let's enjoy ourselves a little."

"I don't think so." Kakashi shook his head. A normal Ank- … A 'normal' Anko already was kind of creepy, but a horny Anko… No, thanks a lot. And besides, why should he want Anko if he could have Iruka?

"Come on, Hatake." The kunoichi snorted. "You know I will be worth your time. And it's not that you have a little girlfriend or such."

"Wouldn't you like to know", Kakashi muttered under his breath before he could stop himself.

"What was that? Do you mean you _have_ a girlfriend?" Damn that woman's ears.

"That's none of your business, Anko."

Anko snorted again, then grinned. "Doesn't matter. We don't have to tell her, do we?"

Kakashi saw Iruka flinch beside him. "No, Anko", he said calmly. "Because there won't be anything to tell. Go find someone else." And she definitely should let him and his Chuunin alone and not upset Iruka anymore. Although he knew that his Chuunin was perfectly aware that Kakashi would never let go of him for anybody, things like these always seemed to make Iruka very upset. And the Copy-nin didn't like that.

"You're missing the time of your life."

"I don't think so." The time of his life was whenever he was with Iruka. Period.

"Fine." Anko glared. "Your loss. But don't come running to me when your little girlfriend isn't able to satisfy your needs anymore."

"Don't worry." Kakashi glared back. He would never feel the need for anything other than Iruka, Iruka, Iruka.

"Hrn." Anko turned around and stalked away.

"So…" Kakashi smiled and turned around to his Chuunin. "I believe you just wanted to tell me that you would cook miso soup with eggplants for me toni-"

"Kakashi-san", somebody called for him. "There's a mission for you. It's urgent."

Kakashi groaned. Such a lucky day… "I'm coming!" He smiled apologetically at Iruka and shrugged. "I'm sorry. Will you cook for me when I come back?"

"M-hm." Iruka nodded but didn't look him in the eye. "Come back safe", he whispered.

"I will." Kakashi squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, wishing he could kiss him goodbye. All this talk with Anko seemed to have gotten to his Chuunin still…

Kakashi smiled. But Iruka knew that he would never take such an offer from anybody.

-----

"Iruka?", Kakashi whispered while he entered his Chuunin's apartment through the living room window. "Iruka, are you awake?" When only silence answered him, the Copy-nin went through the room quietly and towards the door to the bedroom, then opened it silently. He smiled when he saw Iruka sound asleep in the bed.

"You're getting too used to me if you don't even wake up when I come here", Kakashi whispered, enjoying the thought very much. He quietly made his way to the bed, then shed his clothes except his boxers and crawled under the blanket.

"Mrnph", Iruka grumbled in his sleep but inched closer to the Jounin's warm body.

"Iruka", Kakashi whispered, "Iruka, I'm back." He didn't want to wake his Chuunin, he really didn't. But he knew that Iruka wanted him to whenever he came back from a mission, just to know that everything was alright.

"Hm?", the Chuunin sighed sleepily, then his body tensed when he realised that there was someone in his bed.

"Shh", Kakashi hushed him before his hand could reach the kunai hidden under the pillow. "Relax, it's me."

"Kakashi?", Iruka questioned and turned around halfway.

"Does anybody else crawl into your bed at night?", the Copy-nin asked back softly. He knew that nobody did, he would have smelled it if that had been the case. And if he ever found out that somebody did… He didn't even want to think about it, it hurt too much.

"No", Iruka murmured, and a small smile curled his lips. "Only you."

"Only me." Kakashi kissed his neck softly. "Only me." And that 'only' was the best present he'd ever received.

"Only you", Iruka repeated. "Only-" He tensed suddenly.

"Iruka?", Kakashi asked, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"You… you should stop this", the Chuunin whispered and turned his back to him.

"What do you mean? Waking you up when I come back? But you said you wanted me to."

"No, I mean…" Iruka curled up into a ball. "I mean you should stop… coming here."

"Stop coming here?", Kakashi asked, confused. "Do you mean after a mission?" He always looked forward to seeing his Chuunin after a mission. Iruka was his haven, his anchor. He _needed_ to come here.

"No…" Iruka swallowed hard. "Stop coming here at all."

"What… Do you…" Kakashi felt his heart clench in fear suddenly. "Do you mean that… that you want to leave me?", he whispered. God, no, please…

"I… I…" He saw Iruka close his eyes. "We… we should break up, Kakashi."

"But why?" The Copy-nin heard his voice break. He couldn't. He couldn't let Iruka go. If the Chuunin left him, he would lose his last bits of humanity, of the man named Kakashi inside him until there would be nothing left except a dead, emotionless killer.

"It's better." Iruka curled up even more. "Better now before…"

"Before what, Iruka?" Kakashi wrapped his arms around him desperately. "Iruka, tell me what's wrong." He would do anything to make Iruka stay, anything to not lose him. Whatever was wrong, he would do anything possible and impossible to make it good again and his Chuunin stay with him.

"Kakashi, I…" Iruka shook his head. "I tried, Kakashi", he whispered, "I really tried. But I just can't, and I don't know why… And you want it, and I can't give it to you, and soon… soon you will find someone else who can, and then… and then…" He gasped.

"Iruka, what are you talking about?" Kakashi tightened his hold, afraid to lose his light.

"I'm so sorry, Kakashi. I really tried, and I really wanted it. I wanted to… to give myself to you, but… but I just don't seem to be able to do it."

"Iruka, are you talking about having sex with me?", Kakashi asked. "But I told you that it's not important if we do it or not."

"Now maybe." Iruka took a shaking breath and opened his eyes to look out of the bedroom window into the night. "But… but some day it will become important to you. And then I won't be able to do it for you, and then you will go and find someone else, and it will hurt so much and-"

"Iruka", Kakashi gasped. "Do you think that I would leave you because of that?!"

"I couldn't even be angry at you, Kakashi… I mean, it's just… it's just natural that you want it and then search for somebody who can give it to you. And I just can't satisfy your needs and that's why-"

"Iruka." Kakashi forced his Chuunin's body around to lie on the back and glared down on him. "That's why? You want to leave me now because you think that otherwise I will leave you some day to get a lay?"

"Kakashi, I… yes." Iruka turned his head away.

"Don't you dare to look away now, Iruka", Kakashi hissed. "Don't you dare to assume something like that and then look away from me." He took Iruka's head with his hands and turned it back to face him.

"Kakashi", the Chuunin gasped. "You-"

"Do you think that little of me, Iruka?", Kakashi asked angrily. "Do you think I would just decide one day that I want to get laid and then leave you?!"

"But you-"

"Do you really think that of me? How stupid do you think I am? Don't you dare to believe that I am stupid enough to throw away love just to get sex, Iruka, don't you dare!"

"Lo… love?", Iruka asked weakly.

"Love, Iruka!", Kakashi growled. "Why do you think I enjoy being with you so much? Why do you think does only the thought of you make me forget even the worst nightmares and pains? Why do you think I want to spend the rest of my life with you in the light you're giving to me?"

"But… you really love me, Kakashi?" A tear flowed from the Chuunin's eye and trailed over his cheek.

"I love you, Iruka! Didn't you-" Kakashi gasped and his eyes opened wide. "Didn't… didn't you know that?", he asked disbelievingly. But that wasn't possible. His feelings had been obvious from the way he had been acting around his Chuunin, from underneath everything he had said or done.

"But you… you never said it", Iruka whispered, and more tears fell from his eyes. "You never said it, and I didn't know if-"

"But Iruka…" Kakashi let go of his Chuunin's face and carefully lay down beside him, then drew Iruka close to face him. "But didn't I show you enough? Couldn't you tell?"

"I… I couldn't be sure. And… and I was afraid." Iruka swallowed hard. "I was afraid to… believe it. You never said it, and I thought that maybe you didn't want it."

"I never said it because words aren't enough." Kakashi smiled at him softly, sadly. "Even now saying 'I love you' can't express how much you mean to me. I just never wanted to… to make it seem less perfect or less overwhelming by using insufficient words, Iruka. But now I'm sorry that I didn't still try more to tell you how I feel for you."

"You… I…" Iruka's face distorted in pain and he started to sob. "I'm… I'm so… sorry… Kakashi…", he choked out.

"Shh…" Kakashi took him in his arms and placed the Chuunin's head against his pale chest. "It's fine, Iruka. Don't cry, it's my fault. I'm sorry." God, he'd been so stupid, so stupid. And he bitterly cursed every thought of 'underneath the underneath' he had had concerning his relationship with Iruka and also himself for making his beloved doubt.

"I… I love you… Kakashi", Iruka breathed out between sobs.

"I know, Iruka." The Copy-nin smiled. "I know that." This knowledge had been the only thing keeping him human for so long, helping him find his way back to Iruka's light every time the darkness had seemed to swallow him.

"Oh god… I was so… so stupid…" Iruka laughed softly, then sobbed some more, then did both at the same time.

"Shh, it's fine." Kakashi hugged him tighter. "It's fine. As long as you don't still want to leave me, it's fine."

"N-no." Iruka shook his head. "Don't want… to…" He wrapped his arms around the Jounin's waist. "I just thought that… that if I leave you now, it wouldn't hurt as much as it would if you left me some day…"

"Then if I promise to never leave you of my own free will, will you stay with me?", Kakashi asked softly. "Will you still be my light?"

"Yes. Yes, Kakashi." Iruka inched even closer to him and tightened his hold. "I want to stay with you."

"Good." The Copy-nin smiled and kissed his Chuunin's hair. "I want that, too."

"And… and you won't miss having sex?"

Kakashi grinned. "I never had sex with a man before, so I can't miss it, don't you think?"

"No, I mean-"

"I know." Kakashi sighed, then lifted Iruka's head carefully until he could look into the Chuunin's eyes. "I won't say that I don't want to have sex with you, Iruka, because that would be a lie. I want it."

"I know", Iruka whispered and tensed a little. "I'm sorry that-"

"Shh", Kakashi hushed him. "No apologies. There's nothing to apologise for, Iruka. If you can't do it, then it's fine with me."

"Maybe I can do it one day." The Chuunin looked at him with wide, loving eyes full of trust and hope. "Maybe one day, Kakashi, and then I'll be able to give you everything you want."

"Maybe." The Copy-nin grinned. "And then I will certainly enjoy it very much. But until that happens or in case that never happens, I am more than happy with what I have in my arms right now."

"Me too." Iruka tilted his head and kissed him softly. "I love you."

Kakashi sighed contently and embraced his Chuunin tighter. He didn't care whether Iruka would one day be able to let them express their love in the physically most intimate way possible.

"I love you, Iruka." And as long as they would always share the most intimate feelings for each other, nothing else would ever matter.

"I know. Now I know, Kakashi."

* * *

**A/N:**   
I'm not exactly sure where this came from. But sometimes I get so pissed when something's not going right because there are misunderstandings, and then somebody goes and says, 'Well, wasn't it obvious what you were supposed to do?', and makes it look like it's solely the other person's fault.   
That's the point where Nayru gets homicidal then...   
**Nayru**


End file.
